Free at Last

As a fat girl, I obviously have many parts of my body that I would like change. One part in particular that has bothered me since my weight gain is my arms. Man…I remember when I used to think I had fat arms. What a chump I was! I had no idea what fat arms really were! Perspective really is everything, isn’t it?

I’ve noticed that I’ve been hiding my arms lately. Hiding them from the world or hiding them from myself? Probably a bit of both. It’s been a long time since I’ve been without sleeves, but this week’s temperatures have really spiked, and it’s so obviously much cooler without sleeves. I found myself reflecting on why I don’t want to go sleeveless in public. Is it because I’m embarrassed of my arms? Is it because I will feel judged by someone else? Do I feel like others don’t want to see my bare arms? Will it make them uncomfortable? So many questions…and there were more questions like this, but I seem to answer yes to them all.

But why shouldn’t I get to be as comfortable in the heat as that skinny person in the tank top and shorts? Should I be punished because I’m fat? Today I decided no. I decided to dress for the weather and expose my arms to the world! And it felt great! I had bought this cute maxi dress at the beginning of the summer, but hadn’t worn it out yet because it is quite revealing…cleavage and arms baby! It has little spaghetti-like straps. It’s a super comfortable, flowing dress and it felt great to wear it. To my pleasant surprise, there were no awkward stares at my fat arms and I even got a compliment!

So what brought on this change of attitude you may ask? I was at a bridal shower this past weekend and it was a hot, hot, HOT day. Hottest and muggiest day of the year so far (40C/104F). The hostesss of the party did not have air conditioning and we were all melting…almost literally…I actually made a joke to one of my friends that after sitting in a leather chair and sweating, I felt like I needed to wipe it down after I got up, akin to disinfecting/wiping down exercise equipment after use at the gym. Gross, I know…but that’s how f***ing hot it was! Can you tell I don’t do well in the heat? Anyway, during this heat wave one of my friends at the party was dressed in a cute tank top, but was wearing a sweater over her top…she had pushed the sleeves up, but it was way too hot to be wearing a sweater at that point. I actually point-blank asked her why she was wearing the sweater, and she pulled down a sleeve to show me she was wearing a tank top…that was her explanation…almost like, “Duh! I’m wearing a tank top!” She didn’t want to show her arms. Period. In the company of her friends, and on the hottest day of the year, she would rather suffer overheating than wear her very cute tank top. Did I mention that she was the Bride at this bridal shower? I had an internal reaction to this. Quite frankly, it made me sad. The other point to be made here is that this beautiful woman is much thinner than me, with much smaller arms, and yet she still felt that her body was not ‘good enough’ to expose, even at the sake of her own comfort.

Why do we punish ourselves for not being the picture of perfection? This got me thinking, maybe if I was a bit kinder to myself, then my relationship with food would improve as a result. Well, I figure at the very least, it can’t hurt! Thus, I decided to expose my arms to the world. They’re free!