Since my last post almost 2 weeks ago, I've been fighting a cold of some kind. I initially started out with a bad cold for a week, then had 2 days where I was feeling better, THEN came down with strep throat! I've been on antibiotics for 4 days now and am finally feeling better. My fever is gone, I'm able to swallow comfortably again, the glands in my neck no longer hurt...now if only I could stop blowing my nose and coughing! Needless to say, I've missed 3 out of 4 of my workouts with my trainer since getting sick. I've missed 5 days of work and spent countless hours laying in bed and on my couch feeling sorry for myself. I don't get sick often, but I'm kind of a suck when I do get sick! I even threw up last night, but I'm actually thinking that was due to taking my multivitamin on an empty stomach. Yes. Apparently this can happen! I had no clue. I've been taking multivitamins for YEARS and never had a problem. Last month, the drugstore was out of my regular vitamin, so I thought I would try a different brand. Well, ever since I started taking it I noticed I would feel a little nauseous...took me a little while to connect the dots and figure out why I was sick every night. So yeah, I guess that's why the package says to take with food!

So back to the topic at hand with my blog: weight loss. I got on the scale today and I was at 278.5 lbs. I'm happy with that because I'm back to where I was in the summer (I think that's when I hit that number). After losing 26 lbs, my weight loss (and efforts) stalled a bit and I gained back 4 lbs. Thankfully, I was able to get a hold of it over the months and lose it again. This is also why I wanted to connect with a personal trainer - to kick start my workouts. I am definitely feeling the results of my workouts. I can already notice and feel more muscle! I have really noticed this while I'm in the shower soaping up! LOL Mainly my biceps and calves! I told my trainer last time I saw her that it has been rough since we started dealing with sore muscles pretty much every day of the week. I work out with her twice a week, so we do upper body one day and lower body the next. This means that I spend the entire week with sore muscles!! Just when I start to feel better, I'm due to work out with my trainer and the pain starts all over again! It's a little exhausting at times, and is probably hardest I've ever worked out with my muscles, but I keep telling myself it's a good thing.

Hopefully I'm feeling much, much healthier when I see her on Tuesday and am able to get back into the swing of things. I'm done being sick!

I love Shopping!

As my tagline says, I love a good shopping trip! Today was the next best thing. I went shopping in my boxes of clothing that used to be too small! Woot, woot! I was so surprised with how many pieces of clothing I was able to add to my wardrobe. I seriously spent like 2 hours going through three big boxes of clothing. I now only have 2 boxes of clothing left. I can't wait to wear all my "new" clothes! I really didn't think that I would fit into as much of the clothing as I did, but I guess all the working out with my trainer has paid off. The scale hasn't moved much, but apparently I've lost some inches! :) Either way, I'll take it!

On the down side...I've got a horrible sore throat that has been getting worse by the hour all day today. I've managed to go so long without getting sick, despite all my co-workers and patients coming down with so many different illnesses. It was only a matter of time until I caught something *sigh* One can only be so careful I suppose.

2 weeks in...

So I've completed 2 weeks with my new personal trainer (4 sessions - 2 x week). The first couple times were mostly about my trainer learning what I can do and how much to push me. I felt sore after a few of the sessions, but after my Friday appointment...holy crap! I don't know if I've ever felt that sore!!! I could barely walk on Saturday because my legs and butt were so sore, and here I am Monday evening with some soreness still present in my muscles. I was able to still get a mild workout in on Saturday (some walking), and a harder workout in on Sunday (5K jog/walk). I found I was more stiff when just sitting around. As long as I was moving, my muscles felt a little better. I'm seeing my trainer again tomorrow, and thankfully we're moving onto the upper body so my bottom muscles can still recover! Needless to say, that was an intense workout last Friday. I'm hoping all this hard work will help me see some good results. It's been tough waking up so early for the workouts, but I'm sticking with it. It's a great feeling to know that my workout for the day is already finished!

Double workout day!

Woot woot! I had a great walk with the pup earlier today AND I did another 35 minutes on the treadmill tonight. This rarely happens. I think I can count on one hand the number of days in a year where I actually do more than one workout in a day.

Anyway, just wanted to come online and post about that, 'cause I was feeling proud about it. Oh...and I did a couple sprints at 6.0 on the treadmill tonight! I've never tried to run that fast before, and don't get me wrong, I didn't last very long, but it was kind of exciting. I did 30 second intervals at 6.0 interspersed with my other intervals of jogging at 4.0.

A beautiful fall day :)

Today was one of those beautiful fall days here in...that place I live that's just north of Toronto, Ontario. LOL I'm trying to keep some things private on here.

Anyway, I took advantage of the sunny, cool day with my pup and we went for a trail walk. Because of the high winds yesterday and last night, almost all the trees are now bare! So much for the fall colours! Well, they're still here; they're just all on the ground now. Below are some pics of my pup from our trail walk today:

Autumn is by far my most favourite season. I love the cool weather mixed with a warm sun; I love all the fall colours; and I even love the smell...I know it's probably the smell of decaying leaves and such, but I still find it pleasant.

It was nice to move the workout outside today with my pup. I was able to work up a sweat on the hilly terrain out in the fresh air, without melting like I would in the summer.

Yes...I love the fall :)

Craving BIG TIME!

I don't know what is going on, but I am craving potato chips like it's nobody's business! I mean, to be honest, I am a potato chip addict. I have mixed feelings about there being no potato chips in the house. I'm annoyed on one hand, because I want to eat some chips, but I'm glad on the other hand, because I'm sure I would have eaten the whole bag if there was any in the cupboard. I did not allow myself to go to the corner store to purchase any chips. This option did cross my mind. Instead, I paced back and forth in the kitchen opening and closing cupboards, hoping that potato chips would materialize at some point behind the closed cupboard doors. Does anyone else do that? Just keeping going in and out of the kitchen looking and relooking in the same place for something to eat? I just couldn't see anything in the house that I wanted to eat...again, because there were no chips!

So what did I end up doing? After pouting for a bit, I gave in and sliced up a grapefruit and just a little part-skim mozzarella for a snack. It was tasty...I melted the cheese on a plate, because melted cheese is so much yummier than hard cheese! That helped make my snack a little more appealing. I don't know if that sounds weird to anyone, but yes...I ate melted cheese on a plate. Why do I feel a little embarrassed admitting that?! LOL

So I'm off to floss my teeth and hit the sack before I eat anything else. The snack was good, but I'd still polish off a bag of chips if there was any within reach. I hope this craving doesn't transfer to tomorrow. Sometimes they pass, but other times my cravings go on for days.

Manic Monday

I made it through my first session with a personal trainer this morning. There actually wasn't a whole lot to it. It was mostly paperwork and an assessment of what I could do. I guess the first "real" workout will be on Friday when I see her again. Despite having to wake up at the crack of dawn today, it does feel good to know that I already worked out! That doesn't happen very often. Usually I find myself sitting here in the evening, trying to will myself to go exercise. Not tonight!

Having a blog is kind of like free-associating. I just like to type the first thing that comes to my mind. Right now I'm thinking about clothing and how I am having one of those days where I feel like I have nothing to wear (despite my closet full of clothes). One of the biggest things I hate about being fat is the limited clothing options…especially in Canada! I really miss Lane Bryant and Torrid from when I lived in the USA. I know I can order clothes from these stores online, and I have, but there’s no substitute for actually trying on a big pile of clothing. One store I wish I had plus-size options? Lululemon. I love their yoga workout wear, and long to be able to shop there. Everyone deserves to look cute when they're working out! Even big girls! *sigh* I must be having one of those moments where I feel sorry for myself because I'm fat.

Right now I'd settle for breaking into my box of size 18/20/22 clothing that's sitting down in the basement! I can't wait to lose enough weight and inches to be able to "go shopping" in my basement collection of too-small clothing.

Tomorrow's the first day!

So tomorrow is my first personal training session and I'm totally nervous about it! Part of my nerves is because I'm dreading waking up extra early for the appointment. Seriously...I hate waking up early, but it's the best option. I think I need to just suck it up. Let's hope I don't sleep through my alarm or accidentally turn it off!

I'm feeling a mixture of nerves as well as excitement. I'm excited to shake up my workout and I'm hoping to see some great results with the help of a professional. In the past couple days I've found myself daydreaming about potential results from working with a personal trainer. Admitting that is kind of funny. I don't know if that's normal or kind of sad that I spend my time fantasizing about losing weight! Either way, I've enjoyed it! It's all about positive thinking right? It'll pretty much be 8 weeks when xmas hits, so I'm thinking/hoping/planning/fantasizing about making a dent in my weight and dress size before the new year. It would be nice to be down more than 25 lbs total in 2010. I can't believe I'm thinking about the new year already! Wasn't it just August, like, yesterday???

An update on my goals

So after I posted my last entry, I got to thinking...I wonder how long it would take me to do 500 steps? So I put my laptop aside, set up the stepper, and got to it. Turns out I have a way to go to get under 20 minutes. My time was 33 min. 10 sec. Geeeez! That was longer than I thought it would take me. I got pretty winded a few times and needing to walk around the step with a drink of water for a few seconds. That cost me time, but of course part of the goal would be to be able to go nonstop.

After I got off and told my husband how I did, he wanted to give it a go on his own. So he got to stepping and his time blew mine out of the water! He did 500 steps in 17 min. 23 sec. Of course he was really hoofing it during the last 100. What a show off! It might have been more impressive if he didn't say "I'm going to pass out" as soon as he was done and then almost trip over the step. Okay...it was still impressive. I just can't keep up with my hubby! He's obviously in much better shape than I am, even if I do work out more than he does by miles! It just goes to show how much the extra weight holds me back. Whenever we're on a hike or really long walk with the dog and I get tired and he's still going strong, I always remind him that I'm carrying around almost 80 lbs more than him! That's kind of crazy to think about. And when you put it in that kind of context, I can't help but think how strong I must be, to be able to keep up with him with all that extra weight! That's a good reframe for my extra fat. I like that: that despite being overweight, I'm a physically strong person. I wonder how long hubby would last with an 80 lb weight pack on his back when we go for our hikes? Is it wrong that I would like to put this to the test? ;P

Booked appointment with personal trainer

So I finally made the decision to try out a personal trainer. I booked the first appointment for Monday morning. This is going to be an adjustment for me, as I've booked the sessions for early in the morning before work. I really prefer working out first thing in the morning, but tend to be lazy and opt for sleep when push comes to shove. I'm hoping that having a commitment with another person to work out in the morning will get me to work out more consistently. If it doesn't work out, I'll just have to book the sessions after work instead, but I'm looking forward to having the workouts done and out of the way before the day starts. I'm sure there will be an adjustment period as my body gets used to the new sleeping cycle. I used to always work out first thing in the morning, but sometime over the years that has slipped and I now opt for sleep. Have I mentioned that I'm not a morning person? I absolutely love lying in bed in the morning, cozy under my blankets, dozing between hitting the snooze button. I sleep in way too late on the weekends for someone 30 years old! Of course I don't have kids to wake me and my pup will sleep in his bed for as long as I'm in my bed. I'm so thankful that my dog is as lazy as me in the morning, so I don't get rudely awakened for a morning pee outing...but I digress...

Back to the personal trainer. I'm pretty excited about starting with a new trainer, but I'm also fairly nervous. I'm feeling nervous about how the 1st session will go and I'm worried about being pushed out of my comfort zone (I agree that this is a positive thing, but I'm still nervous about it). I've been thinking about goals for myself. I like working towards goals. Obviously I have weight goals, but I think I should have additional health goals that are above and beyond the focus on the scale. Here's what I have so far:

- To run a 5K.

- To improve my roller skating so that I can tryout for roller derby.

- To be able to do 500 steps in under 20 minutes (I thought of this while watching The Biggest Loser this week. This was what the contestants had to do to compete for a spot on the show. The one contestant who initially did not make it on the show, made this her goal while working out at home. I saw that and wondered...can I do that? I'm guessing probably not, so why not make that a goal? They used a step aerobics stepper with two risers and I have that equipment in my basement.)

- To be able to do 20 "real" push-ups.

That's all I have for now, but it's definitely a fluid list that will grow in time.

A warm and fuzzy for the day

I stumbled across a new blog tonight (who knows how these discoveries happen in cyberspace) and read a quote that made me all warm and fuzzy:

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." -John Bingham

I love this quote! I read it, sat with it for a moment, and a smile crossed my face. It's simple and basic and true. I did a quick google to find out who this insightful John Bingham is and came across this website:

http://www.johnbingham.com/penguin.html

I think I'm a penguin...or at least I want to be a penguin...or I would be if I ran a race! I'm still holding onto my goal of running a 5K and once my knee heals up completely I'm going to work towards running one in the spring. I really hate to set goals and not meet them, so I was feeling pretty disappointed about being sidelined early in September, but I know I'll get there.

My latest 5K time...

...is nothing to brag about! LOL

I jogged/walked a 5K today for the first time since my knee injury and I had a time of 57 minutes. I was feeling pretty good about that and worked up a fantastic sweat, but then I came online and saw that 57 minutes is a really slooooooooow time for a 5K. In all honesty though, I'm absolutely fine with that. I'm pleased because I know I will improve that time, and I actually had a much worse time the first time I attempted a 5K (I walked most of it). I'm glad I got a good workout in today, because I have been missing my workouts over the past month and a half. Thankfully my knee held up perfectly for that hour long workout. It was a little stiff afterwards, but I did some stretching and it feels fine right now.

At the farmer's market this morning I picked up some brussel sprouts (despite my husband's protests). Now this is a vegetable of which I have nothing but bad memories. I don't ever remember being able to choke them down as a kid, and I honestly cannot remember the last time I consumed a brussel sprout. That being said, I'm always looking to introduce new fruits and veggies into my life. So I guess I'm willing to forgive and forget our sorted past together and give brussel sprouts another chance. I've been researching online some possible recipes to try, so I'm hoping this new veggie will work out. They're so good for you, so I'd really like to be able to eat them in an enjoyable way. It's weird because I can't even remember how they taste; I just remember I really didn't like them.

As for tonight, I roasted some broccoli for the first time. I usually steam my broccoli, but I've roasted many other veggies. Veggies tossed with a little olive oil and garlic...mmmm...so good. I don't know why I haven't thought to roast broccoli before, because it was DELISH cooked that way! That'll be a repeat dish for sure!

Mulling it over...

In the past couple weeks I've been mulling over whether or not I should hire a personal trainer. I know that I would really like a personal trainer to assist with my workouts, but I'm just not sure I want to part with my money! LOL How bad is that? Loss of cash aside, I'm seriously considering it.

I had a personal trainer over a year ago, and I worked out with her for over a year, but I barely saw any results. It was kind of disappointing in the end. I don't think that she challenged me enough and I got bored. The only reason I kept up with working out with her as long as I did was because I wasn't really working out any other time. I kind of felt as though if I stopped seeing her I would stop working out. And basically that's what happened once I stopped seeing her. Obviously I would be looking elsewhere. I now feel like I know more about what I want out of a trainer and am able to ask for it.

Anyone else out there use a trainer?

Finding a balance.

I feel like such a bad blogger. I’ve been so neglectful in posting any updates. It’s been brutal because I’ve been thinking about wanting to post almost every day, but I just haven’t had the time. Correction. When I had spare time lately, I opted to lie on the couch instead. I don’t know what’s going on lately, but I’ve been feeling so tired and worn out. I’m thinking it’s because of my hectic schedule and all this stress that’s been following me around. I really despise feeling like this, because I end up sacrificing the all important self-care time for myself, which includes making time to exercise, among other things. It really is a shameful thing for me to neglect my issues of self-care, especially given what I do for a living. I don’t think I’ve actually shared what my job is…I've always been wary of sharing personal information on the internet. I know this statement may seem like an oxymoron, given how I share my personal thoughts and feelings on the internet, but you know, there's an anonymity to it and sharing what I do for a living feels like I’m pulling back the curtain a little bit. Nevertheless, I feel like it’s time to share what I do, as I’ve naturally come to this topic. Anyway, for anyone who even cares, I'm a psychologist. A clinical psychologist to be exact. So I guess what I’m saying is, I should know better. I should know better about the importance of taking time for myself to address the important issues of self-care. I should know better about maintaining a balance in my life so that I can make sure to fit in the truly important things in life. The things that nurture me and help me feel healthy, content, and contribute to my personal growth. Needless to say, I’ve been neglecting these very things, and as a result, I’m feeling worn out, drained, anxious, and not very content lately. So there you have it. I’m in a funk.

The good news is that I recognize my mistakes and have been starting to make some changes to nurture myself a little more. One step in the right direction was taking this past weekend off. Even though I had (and still have) several reports that needed writing, I gave myself permission to enjoy Thanksgiving weekend. (That’s Canadian Thanksgiving for all you Americans!) I left all my work at home and hit the road to head up north with my hubby and pets to have a good old-fashioned Thanksgiving weekend with the family. Thanksgiving in the north was a beautiful sight. I love taking in all the fall colours. Autumn is my absolute favourite season. I took full advantage of this weekend by sleeping in, playing poker with friends, watching movies, and just plain relaxing. It was a great weekend, and even though I ate my fill of the Thanksgiving feast, let it be known that my pup and I went for a hike every day we were up north. I hiked with my husband, brother, and sister-in-law, plus our pups. They were semi-leisurely hikes, but I certainly worked up a sweat and found myself huffing and puffing a few times. We went for 1.5 hours each day. Some parts of the trail required cautious manoeuvring up and down rocks or steep staircases, but it was a lot of fun and definitely a great workout. Plus the waterfall and river along the trail made for some beautiful sights, especially with all the fall colours out right now. Here is the trail we walked:

http://www.ontariotrails.on.ca/trails-a-z/wilsons-falls-trail/

The good news is that my knee held up! It’s still sore to the touch, and I’m still going to physiotherapy twice a week, but I’m able to move around on it without any issues. I don’t think I can use it as an excuse not to exercise anymore!

Why is the fall season so busy???

I'm kind of looking forward to September winding down. The fall season is always so busy! And I'm not even a teacher or someone with children! My days lately have been so long and exhausting. I'm currently being pulled in so many different directions; most of it my doing, but not all of it. Most of it related to work, but some of it personal commitments. So once again I find myself on here just writing another quick update while I have some time. I hate feeling like I'm leaving this blog stagnant, but I just don't have the energy right now. Anyone else know what it's like when simple tasks become overwhelming? I just keep reminding myself, "this too shall pass". That is one thing that I'm good at: recognizing the temporary and fluid nature of stress in life. I don't get too hung up on it and I'm optimistic that it will pass eventually. I just wish it was sooner, rather than later.

My knee is still healing. I'm walking fine on it again, but it is still sore while doing things like walking up stairs. It's also still tender to the touch. I've eased into exercising this past week, with some walking. No C25K for me yet, but I'm itching to get back at it. I've just been listening to my body and doing whatever doesn't hurt. That being said, it's amazing how quickly you get back into your lazy habits of not working out. It's been tough to get my butt off the couch lately. Truth be told, I haven't weighed myself since I blew out my knee. I'm kind of worried about it now, but I'll have to get on and face the music. I'm expecting a gain, but whatever it is, I plan to continually work on my healthy habits as my knee heals.

And on a completely unrelated topic, I'm super excited that all the new television shows are starting up again this week! I hope Tivo is ready to do her job again! I must confess that I probably watch entirely too much TV, but at least with Tivo I can choose when to watch all the shows at my convenience :)

Quick Update!

Just in case anyone out there in cyberspace was actually missing me, I thought I would post a quick update. I'm still here and trucking away, but it's been a rough week and a half since my knee injury. I'm still healing and haven't actually worked out since the accident, unless you consider lazily walking around the dog park with my pup exercise? I'm thinking about getting back in the saddle and attempting a light workout to see how my knee holds up. I was hoping to do that today, but the hours ran by and now it's time for bed!

Unfortunately I have a week from hell coming up with several different stressful commitments that I now loathe I made. Why do things sometimes occur all at once like this? It's like the universe comes together every once in a while to test your stamina and coping skills. In other words, I feel a cluster-fuck coming up this week. (Sorry for any of your virgin eyes out there, but given my week ahead, a swear word was in order). Don't you hate it when you start your week on Sunday wishing it was Friday tomorrow? Oh wait...I forgot that my commitments continue until the end of Saturday. Damn it!

Ok...enough complaining. It's time for some positive self-talk. I am perfectly capable of successfully managing all that I need to do this week. I will get through this week and make it to the weekend. I can totally handle one day at a time!

PS...I was really excited to see that I was awarded 2 blog awards last week!!! I definitely I'm going to comment and post them, but that will likely have to wait another week :)

Just another post

I'm sitting here in the wee hours of the morning on labour day, thankful it's a long weekend, but feeling antsy. My knee injury is still painful, though I am able to walk around on it better than a couple days ago. I haven't really moved around too much this weekend and I suspect that I'm making a permanent dent in our couch. It's amazing how much I love sitting on this couch when I have so much work to do, but when I have an injury and need to actually sit on my ass all day, I'm annoyed and longing to go do some kind of activity. To sum it up, I'm bored. It's been a boring weekend and I've watched entirely too much TV (caught up on my Tivo) and surfed countless websites. Of course I did purchase a few cute items from Etsy.com. LOVE that website :)

I did manage to do a little baking over the weekend. I made banana muffins, but instead of butter, I used coconut oil. My brother is allergic to dairy products, so I used the coconut oil so he could eat some of the treats when he came over. I'm not one to mess around with my recipes by using substitutions, but they turned out pretty much exactly the same! I used 3/4 coconut oil to what I would use for butter. I was impressed! I think I'll likely use this substitution as al alternative to butter more in the future.

I also made some frozen chocolate covered bananas on a stick and they were AMAZING! I love how frozen bananas taste like ice cream. I melted dark chocolate to coat them, so they were a pretty healthy, but sweet and yummy treat. A whole banana is quite a bit though, so next time I'll half them.

And finally I made a treat that I call "freezer fudge". It's made from almond butter, cocoa, coconut oil, vanilla extract, and some honey. I found this recipe online on some doctor's website. It's kind of in between fudge and brownies, but you need to keep them in the freezer, otherwise they get soft and gooey. They're actually quite chewy when they're frozen. My husband loves them and my brother is always excited to see them, because he can actually eat them (he has so many food allergies it's not even funny!), and it's great because they are a healthy treat. If anyone wants the recipe I don't mind sharing it. I'm thinking about trying the recipe with peanut butter next time, because I think peanut buttery fudge would be delish. I'm a peanut butter addict!

After writing about all this food I made, I think I must have been looking to make some comfort food for myself because of my injury. At least I made some healthy options. I am definitely going to make those chocolate covered frozen bananas again!

I'm actually going to experiment in the kitchen tomorrow and create a dish using eggplant. I have NEVER cooked or eaten eggplant in my 30 years of life. I picked a couple up at the farmer's market on Saturday and I am determined to cook something. I'm leaning towards eggplant parmigiana. I'll have to remember to let you all know how this food experiment works out for me.

Woman Down!

Today I had a wee accident. While at work I tripped over my own feet and landed very hard on my knee. I actually think I tripped over my clogs, but I'm not exactly sure of the cause of my fall. I was rushing down the hallway to go get something from my office and I went flying. And boy did I land HARD! I have injured my knee before, but this was much worse and more painful. I even saw stars when I stood up after my fall. I've always heard people use the expression "seeing stars" after a hit to the head, but I've never experienced it before. The weird part is that I didn't even hit my head! Anyway, I ended up going to an urgent care clinic to get my knee checked out. The physician was a little worried that I might have fractured something and sent me for xrays. Thankfully all bones are intact! :) I'm in pretty rough shape though and can barely walk. I wonder how long until I'll be able to workout or run again. I guess I'll just take it a day at a time and see how I feel after resting and icing for a couple days.

Ugh! I'm so annoyed with myself for tripping over my own feet! In case I haven't mentioned this before, I'm a total clutz! LOL And I guess the hike I had planned during the long weekend won't be happening :(

On a brighter note, when I stepped on the scale today I have lost another pound! I was actually thrilled to see the 1 lb loss, because I've totally stalled with my weight loss recently. I've tried not to focus on the scale too much and instead just focused on increasing my stamina and activity. It looks like that and patience has paid off. Hopefully I'm not sidelined with this knee injury for too long. I'm off to ice it some more!

C25K Week 3 completed

So I finally got around to doing the 3rd session of the C25K's Week 3. I'm not going to lie - it was tough. I was worried before I did it, and now I'm wondering how the heck I'm going to be able to do week 4! I think I could benefit from repeating week 3, but I don't know if that's kosher with the program. I had to reduce my speed a little bit toward the end of the 3 minute runs, so I'd like to complete the week at a steady, regular speed. That being said, I'm feeling pretty good about working out today because I was dragging my butt all day long...make that for the last couple days! I don't even know where I got the energy to do the C25K tonight, but I forced myself off the couch and put my workout clothes on. Sometimes I bargain with myself...like I'll tell myself that if I still don't feel like working out once I'm actually on the treadmill or elliptical for like 10 minutes, then I can call it a day. It seems to work because once I get going, I'm usually pretty good and feel like I want to make it worth my while since I went to all the trouble of getting changed into my workout gear and warmed up on the machine.

I'm not exactly sure why my butt is dragging so much lately, but I'm sure it has to do with going back to work this week after have some time off. It's been tough getting my head back in the game. I'm always a little hazy when I go back to work after a vacation. I also need to get my sleep schedule back on track...speaking of which I should start getting ready for bed and get my ass to sleep at a decent hour tonight! Staying up late on the internet is pretty much a guarantee to not get much sleep ;P

Hunger pangs anyone?

I was catching up on my reading of some of the blogs I follow, and came across a post that hit home with me about the physical feeling of hunger. What I've come to realize in the past several months, is that it's been a long time since I actually felt hunger pangs. In these past years (well, decade now) that I have been gaining weight, it's recently become more clear that I really avoided feeling the physical sensation of hunger. I can remember feeling panicky sometimes when hunger pangs would hit me. I think it just became such a foreign sensation to me, that it felt very uncomfortable. Thankfully, I've come to realize that I can, and sometimes should, withstand hunger pangs. I do try to eat more healthier, filling foods so I don't leave myself feeling ravished, however I now can more comfortably withstand those annoying hunger pangs without a sense of urgency to eat. What a strange realization that I was actually working so hard to avoid feeling hunger pangs, and to know that I was not alone with these feelings.

Lots of activity this week :)

I've had this past week off from work, and it's actually been very productive in terms of activity. I've been hiking, running, swimming, roller skating, and of course lots of walking. I hate how fast vacations go, but it was such a well-needed break this week. I actually started my week off with a trip to Tobermory for a couple days with my sister-in-law and our pups. It was so much fun! And what a dog-friendly town! We were able to take our dogs everywhere...our hotel, coffee shops, stores, restaurant patios, on the boat to Flowerpot Island! It was fantastic, and those pups sure did get spoiled. Everywhere we went, people had treats for the dogs. It was so funny.

Anyway, the main thing we did in Tobermory was that we took a boat to Flowerpot Island and spent the day hiking around the island. There was a lot to see, but boy was it tiring with my heavy backpack. Next time I'll pack much lighter. Truth be told, I think I'm used to having my husband carry the heavy bags on hikes and outings! Boy did I miss him that day! The hike would have been a hell of a lot easier if I wasn't carrying the backpack.

Here are some pictures from our trip:

This first one is just a pic of the rustic trails on the island, which the pups are enjoying sniffing around in the picture.

This next pics are of me and the flowerpots:

My sister-in-law with the large flowerpot:

We worked up quite the sweat moving out butts around the island, so thankfully the water was refreshingly cold. The water was a beautiful teal colour because of the green limestone rock in the water.

So after hiking around the island for 4 hours straight, climbing hills and stairs and rock, I was left with the realization that I still have a long way to go to improve my cardio! LOL But I am thankful that I've been working out as much as I have been, especially with the C25K, because who knows how much more difficult this hike would have been if I wasn't working out as much. I did my best to keep up with my sister-in-law who is in better shape than I. She's much more used to these types of outings, as her family tends to go for long hikes as fun family outings when they get together. My family tends to do more sedentary activities together, like playing texas hold'em! Nevertheless, I enjoy both kinds of activities and it was my bright idea to plan this long, hardy hike.

Here's a pic of us at the Tobermory city sign:

Oh! And on the trip back home, we passed this funny mini church and had to stop and take pictures!

You could actually enter the little church and there was seating for 6 people inside. Gotta love the quirky things you find during a road trip :)

C25K update

I almost forgot to mention...yesterday before I hit the roller derby game, I completed Day 1 of Week 3 from the C25K! It was a lot tougher, with the 3 minute run intervals, but I got through it. I was a little worried about this week and was considering repeating week 2, but I thought I would give it a try. I'm glad I did, because it turns out I got through it! Yay me!

Roller Derby

So last night I attended my first roller derby game in Toronto...and it was WICKED AWESOME! We all had such a blast there! It was so much fun to watch in person, and there was such an electric, empowering energy in the air. It was amazing to see these chicks throw (and take) such brutal hits at time.

I will most definitely be catching some more games in the next few months! Watching all the derby inspires me to get out on my skates more...of course they make it look a hell of a lot easier than it is when I actually put on my skates!

Roller Derby Tonight!

Tonight I'm heading down to Toronto to watch my very first roller derby game! I'm super psyched about it! It's a double header, so we'll actually get to watch 2 games. I'll post later to let you all know how it all went. Hopefully it'll give me some inspiration to get out on my quad skates.

I'm off to get a workout in before leaving for TO!

This was a first!

This past week I had to go out of town for a couple days for a training for work, which meant that I had to stay in a hotel. In the past, I have always had good intentions to use the hotel's fitness facilities. I would pack my workout gear and tell myself that I would not skip my workouts while out of town, but for some reason I would never follow through. In all my years of staying at hotels, I have never used the workout equipment. Oh sure...I'd float around in the pool or sit in the hottub and sauna, but never touch the fitness equipment. That all changed this week. I followed some familiar patterns of packing my workout gear and planning to workout, but instead of opting to order room service and a movie when I got back to my room, this time I did something different. I actually worked out! I came home from the 8 hour training session, ate a quick healthy snack that I brought from home, and changed into my workout gear.

I have to admit, I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I completed day 3 of week 2 from the C25K and then spent some time on the upright bicycle to extend my workout a bit. I had the whole gym to myself and worked up a good sweat. When you're trying to get healthier, it's cool to see the changes in your fitness and appearance, but it's also just as encouraging to see the changes you make in terms of your choices and priorities. Every time you make a good decision for yourself, it seems to get a little easier to make other healthier choices in your life. It's funny how such a small thing can make you feel so proud of yourself!

Not quite Roller Girl

I don't think I've talked about this before on my blog, but I really want to try and play roller derby, and I've been dying to for years and years. It was kind of exciting when the movie Whip It! came out, because I was hoping this would bring the sport more mainstream. I always loved roller skating as a kid, but haven't really been on quad skates for probably 20 years. I bought some inline skates when I was like 20 years old, but never really liked skating on them as much as I remembered loving my quads as a kid. Anyway, I've been yapping to my hubby about wanting some old-school quad roller skates for like 5 years now and for my most recent birthday he actually bought me some! They are black with hot pink wheels and I love them! That being said, I feel the need to admit that my birthday was in February (I turned the big 3-0) and I'm ashamed to say that I hadn't used them until tonight. Well, it was winter and it's not like there's an indoor skating rink around the corner or anything, but once the warmer weather came around, I still put off trying the skates. I think I was feeling a little wary and uncertain about whether or not I would still enjoy this past time, and probably a little scared of how difficult it would be again. On my way home from work today I stopped by a skateboarding shop and picked up a helmet (I suspect it may come in handy), intent on breaking in my roller skates after dinner. So my hubby and I, and our pup, headed over to a community rec centre in the evening where the parking lot was empty and spent some time skating...well, what my hubby was doing is considered skating, but I'm not sure if you would actually call what I was doing skating. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that I was shuffling on wheels. I'm going to be honest...I was kind of pathetic. My younger self must have been dying of embarrassment inside! I think I need to start with working on my balance while wearing the skates before I even start trying to actually skate. Maybe I should just wear them around the house to get used to manoeuvring in them? Maybe I need to work on my core muscles a little more too. Either way, I'm determined to become proficient at roller skating again.

Which brings me back to the original goal I stated. I want to play roller derby! A couple months ago I caught wind that a new roller derby team had been organized in the city where I live and it would be so wicked awesome to be a part of that. Unfortunately it's probably a prerequisite that a person can actually skate, so I guess I have some work to do first. However this turns out for me, it was fun being out on my quads again and I can't wait to start seeing some progress. Once I can actually skate with some speed I'll have another great workout option.

Another post so soon!

I know what you're thinking. What's going on? I usually only post once every couple months. Haha! I actually don't have anything specific to write about today, but felt like posting again to stay on the right track. So I'm just going to free associate this blog posting and write whatever comes to my mind.

Today I completed Day 1 of Week 2 from the Couch to 5K program. I felt pretty good at the end of it. There wasn't much of a difference going from running 60 seconds at a time to 90 seconds at a time, so that was a pleasant surprise. I'm a little worried about week 3, where you have to run for 3 minutes at a time, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. There are so many things in life that seem like overwhelming tasks that make you want to curl up in a ball and give up, and running a 5K ranks up there for me. I've learned over the years to just look at things one step at a time, one day at a time, one task at a time. This way, that super-scary, want-to-make-me-give-up, overwhelming task all of a sudden is doable. So for today, I'm only looking ahead to Day 2 of Week 2 from the C25K program, which is the exact same as what I accomplished successfully today, so I know I'll be able to do it.

It's pretty exciting to see progress. I'm only in my second week of the C25K program and I've already noticed that running at 4.0 on my treadmill isn't as difficult as it was at the beginning of the program. Even my heart rate is a little bit lower. I know I'm not breaking any speed records, but I'm just focused on completing the C25K program before I work on increasing my speed. And besides, I'm carrying 279 lbs with me throughout the run, which is a hell of a lot of work! It must be so much easier 100 lbs lighter, 50 lbs lighter...I can't wait!

I'm secretly hoping to run a 5K this fall. There was one I wanted to do in September, but I don't think I'll be ready for it. I'm going to wait until the last minute to see how I'm doing by that point. I haven't really talked about this goal with too many people. I guess I don't want to say it out loud in case I don't reach the goal. I have talked to my husband about it though...I really can talk to him about anything. He even knows exactly how much I weigh, as I share it with him every time I step on the scale. I know a lot of people don't share this with their hubby, but I honestly don't feel like he would judge me for my weight...and it's not like he thinks I weigh 120lbs. I mean, he has eyes! But seriously. I would encourage everyone to share their weight with a person close to them. It's not a number to be afraid of. Once you talk about it, it seems less intimidating or scary. There's no point running away from it. It's the reality of who we are, and if we can truly look at ourselves without distorting anything and work on accepting that reality, then this will make it easier to work on self-improvement. Sharing the truth about ourselves is one step in the right direction towards self-acceptance.

So I thought I would end this post with some pictures of myself and my wee pup Sully. He just turned 2 this past July and he's my workout buddy (when I'm not on my treadmill of course). Sully gets me out of the house for walks, to play some catch at the park, and to explore new places and trails. He's such a good little motivator and he never declines the opportunity for some exercise.

These are pictures of Sully and I on one of our trail walks while we were up in Muskoka. We ventured a little off the trail to get closer to the water.

The next photos are from the same trail walk. While walking along the path, we came upon a dam in the river. The trail continued over the dam, but when we got there, Sully was too afraid at first to cross. Instead of following me, he chose to stubbornly stand at the edge and bark obnoxiously.

Thankfully with a little coaxing, Sully was able to venture out over the falls and join me. What a brave little pup! He was quite intrigued by the water running underneath us. I do admit though, it was a kind of unnerving at first to walk over the water while seeing it rush so fast underneath. It sort of gives you vertigo.

Lots of fun to be had in the summer! :)

The summer is flying by!

I can't believe how quickly the summer months are going by. On one hand, I want the end of August to come because I have some time off, but that will mean the summer is pretty much over. I just read over my last post and see that I was down 24 lbs. I'm now down 25 lbs. I ended up gaining 3 lbs back in July and quickly put a stop to it. July was full of lots of food and celebrations, so I'm glad I only gained 3 lbs. I expected more when I stepped on the scale and relieved to only see the 3 lbs. So I got back on track with my activity and healthy eating and lost those 3, plus one more! I know it's only 1 more lb since I last posted, but it's a pretty big achievement for me. As I wrote in my last post, I've never lost this much weight before and when I slipped in July a bit, I had a voice in the back of my head that was whispering to me that I was doing "it" again and sabotaging my success. I'm so proud that I was able to not be discouraged by gaining a little back. Overall I'm still moving down the scale and feeling good about what I'm doing.

My latest health adventure...I like to shake things up and find new things to motivate me. I tend to get bored easily when it comes to working out. So my latest thing is that I'm trying the Couch to 5K program. I've attempted it before...or at least thought about doing it before. I think the most I ever did was maaaaaaybe day 2 in week 1. So yeah, I haven't really done it before. Well today I finished the first week (3 days of workouts) and am feeling fantastic about it. What made all the difference is that I downloaded a C25K app for my iPhone, so I don't have to try and time my running/walking intervals anymore! It's wicked awesome! You can listen to your music and the app will talk over your music and tell you when to run and when to walk. I absolutely LOVE it.

I've always wanted to be able to run or jog. Even when I was more athletic in my youth, I was never really able to run with much stamina. Well, it's never too late to try... right? I kind of think it would be super cool to work towards a 5K race in the fall. We'll see if I get there, but at the very least, this new workout regime is helping to motivate my butt to sweat today.

New territory

After my weigh in today (-3), I'm down a total of 24 lbs! This is truly new territory for me. It's the most I've ever lost weight at one time. The last time I did WW successfully, I lost 23 lbs. Typically I'll be down 10-20 lbs and then sabotage my efforts in some way. The good news is that there is no sign of that to come! :)

I was actually feeling a little worried as I approached 20 lbs because my past history had not been so positive when it came to weight loss. Turns out I've been able to change old habits and enter into unknown territory. It feels fantastic!

I'm not really following weight watchers or counting points anymore, but I always have points in the back of my head. I've just been making smarter choices, trying to listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry vs bored. For a little over a week now I've been following a plant-based diet (aka vegan diet). I wanted to eliminate some things from my diet and see if it affects how I am feeling (i.e. energy level, etc). So far I notice that without dairy I'm less stuffy and phlegmy, though I am still these things because I have a dust allergy. By making these changes, I've been introduced to a wide variety of new foods. I tend to eat what I know, so this change has been good for me. For example, I have made a couple dishes with quinoa...a super grain that I did not even know existed until a couple weeks ago! It's kind of fun trying all the new foods and recipes. So far so good! I'm not sure how long I intend to eat a plant-based only diet, but we'll take it one day at a time. I'm enjoying the change and eating more veggies than I ever have before! :)

I wasn't really gone...

I just wasn't getting around to posting. I've still been watching what I eat pretty well. The weight is coming off slow, but at least it's coming off. I'm down to 288.5, which feels so great! Surprisingly! LOL Who ever thought I'd be happy to be in the 280's!?! The farther I get from the 300's, the happier I'll be. The BEST NEWS is that I'm now on a new notch on my belt. I moved from the 3rd hole to the 4th hole. Woot woot!!

I just moved a couple weeks ago, and work has been hectic, so that pretty much sums up why I haven't posted in a while. I haven't had much time to work out lately, but I'm hoping to get back to working out more regularly now that we're settling into our new home. I had been working out in the evening, but I think I'll be more likely to work out more regularly if I can get my ass out of bed in the morning to workout. I have always preferred working out first thing in the morning, but the last couple years I've been so exhausted and can't bear getting out of bed a minute sooner than I need to, to get showered and out the door to work. I've always had a difficult time with sleep hygiene. I love staying up late and sleeping in, so typical work hours are pretty difficult for me to maintain. That has typically meant that I am quite sleep deprived by the weekend and waste a good chunk of my weekends sleeping in very, very late to catch up my sleep debt. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to break out of. Nevertheless, I'm proud to announce that in the past few nights I've actually been in bed by midnight. That rarely happens.

Lately I find myself fantasizing about going to bed early and waking up energized enough to workout first thing in the morning. Is that what happens when you turn 30???
Of course the reality is that I HATE going to bed early when the time comes. *sigh* I'm just a big child at heart who doesn't want to go to bed when it's bedtime.

5 Weeks in a Row!

I had a loss today for the 5th week in a row! Woot woot! I honestly cannot remember when the last time was that I actually lost weight 5 weeks in a row. It's probably been like...6 or 7 years??? Geez...is that right? Umm...probably...especially when you look at my starting weight!

Anyway, I lost 1 lb this week and was super happy to see the loss. Here's hoping for a 6th successful week! :)

Weight update

I had a great weigh-in this week! I lost 4 lbs!!! I was so happy to see the 200's on the scale, it's not even funny! I've been hovering just over the 300 mark for the last year and I'm very happy to leave it behind. I still remember the first time I saw the scale say 300. I was shocked. It's amazing how easy it is to become complacent at a certain weight. One, two, three pounds up at a time don't seem like too much of a problem, but then you settle at that new weight, become complacent again, and the scale keeps moving up. That's how it felt for me anyway.

The problem is that in the past years, I've begun to feel like it's impossible to lose weight. I know this way of thinking is illogical in theory - that there's a whole science behind losing weight, but that's how I felt. The last few weeks I've been giving weight loss and health choices a concerted effort. I had a slow start, but have been getting momentum and I'm making very different decisions about what I'm eating. Things are clicking, but I'm cautious about being optimistic because I've fallen hard in the past. The good news is that I've had 4 weeks in a row that resulted in weight loss. This is the most consistency I've had in a while, and I've definitely worked for it. There have been moments of frustration, anger, self-pity, and tears. Actually, I've cried more in the last week about my situation than I have in a long while. I think I've been suppressing emotions that are related to my weight and poor health. I remember being very emotionally reactive about my weight gain several years ago, but somewhere along the way I'd found a way to shut it down. To put on an act that I'm okay with this weight - even to myself. Unfortunately, I don't think that helped my cause much. Being honest with myself about how I feel about this extra weight, and being able to make myself vulnerable enough to admit that there is something I need to change about myself, has helped me get into a better mindset. A mindset that makes it easier to make healthy choices. I didn't necessarily set out trying to uncover "hidden" emotions, but found that they started bubbling to the surface more and more, perhaps because I wasn't numbing them with food anymore!

I wonder what this week will bring!

The x-weighted challenge

So I signed up for the x-weighted challenge. Anything for extra motivation, right? I'll take all the motivation I can scrounge up.

In case anyone else is interested:

http://www.xweighted.ca/the-national-challenge

So you sign up for the challenge and set a goal for 6 months from now. Part of signing up and registering all your information, is that there is a fitness assessment activity to complete. Let's just say that I'm thankful this part of the registration was optional. I watched the demonstration of this fitness test and knew it was going to be difficult, but I wholeheartedly thought I would be able complete it. Turns out I was wrong.

Geeze! What a blow to my ego and what I thought I was capable of. Perhaps this is a good wake-up call? I was not prepared to not be able to finish the test. Truth be told, I didn't even make it past the lunges. Lunging all the way down to touch your knee on the floor was a lot more taxing than it looked...thought I'm sure that had to do with all the extra weight I'm carrying. We had to do 20 reps on each leg (40 lunges in total) and I completed 16 reps. After that, my muscles seized up and I could hardly stand. I basically crawled up the stairs from the workout room in the basement. I'm now sitting on the couch with my laptop writing about this...partly because it needs to be confessed, but also partly because I need to wait for my legs to recover before I attempt to go up another set of stairs to my bedroom. Brutal! This is pretty embarrassing.

Before I attempted this fitness test, I made my 6 month goal a 5km run. I have always wanted to be able to run, and have never been able to run...even when I was much, much thinner, I was never a runner. Nevertheless, I think this is a good fitness goal and one that I'm excited about. I'd love to sign up for a race in the summer/fall. I did the MS Walk last year and was so envious of the people who actually ran the 5k, rather than simply walking it like I did. Well, now that I've finished this fitness test, or or more accurately should I say, failed this fitness test, obviously a first step towards completing a 5k run would be to be able to complete this F***ing fitness test!

This will NOT be the last time I write about this fitness test. I will complete it.

Weigh-in update

So I know I just posted, but after I published that last post, I figured I should update on my weigh-in. I'm back at work after a couple weeks holiday of eating my face off and I weighed in at work for the weight loss challenge at my office. Phew! I'm surprised the results weren't worse than they were. I gained back 3 lbs. Kind of sucks, but I actually thought it was going to be more, so I was pleasantly surprised...well...as pleasantly surprised as you can be with a weight gain.

The good news is that I'm officially sick of baked goods and actually craving vegetables! I think my body must have been going through some sort of healthy food withdrawal. The truth is, I felt like crap for the last week. I had no energy and I slept a lot (not always a bad thing), but I found myself crashing in the middle of the day for a nap...and I NEVER nap! I just did not feel well. That, and I felt like I was actually wasting my holidays napping and sleeping in so late. I didn't really get anything done, and now I'm having a difficult time readjusting myself to getting up earlier again, so my sloth-like behaviour over the holidays has ironically left me feeling even more tired now that my holidays are over. This is a new realization of the toll my unhealthy habits are taking on my body, energy, stamina, mental clarity...I could go on.

I want to feel more energetic. Period. There's really not much more to say...I'm 29 years old and I feel much older. I would like to feel like a woman in her 20's...no matter how little time I have left in my 20's! .................53 more days left, but who's counting?

What have you been missing out on?

Tonight I found myself thinking about all the things that I am missing out on because of my weight. I used to be so much more adventurous, but over the years I've found myself slowly pulling back into a safe shell. My weight is holding me back from enjoying some aspects of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've accomplished a lot in my 29 years, and I know there's more to come, but lately I find myself thinking about the things I'm missing out on. For example, this past summer I wanted to go TreeTop Trekking! I thought it looked like so much fun...totally scary, but fun...but of course, I'm too heavy. There is a 250 lb weight limit and I exceed it by 50 lbs. This was such a disappointment. Here's a website that links to a company in Ontario that does TreeTop Trekking:

http://treetoptrekking.com

Treetop Trekking is an activity that I find intimidating for so many reasons, let alone my fear of heights. But pushing ourselves and facing our fears is how we grow. So much of what I have been able to accomplish in my life has involved me pushing myself beyond my comfort zone...which leads me to think of how comfy my fat life is in some ways. It's time for me to push myself out of my comfort zone, and to realize that this period of being hungry, sore, fatigued, frustrated, etc...whatever the uncomfortable feelings may be that cause me to stay the weight I am, need to be faced. I know I am capable of overcoming them, and that by doing so, will grow as a result to end up in a better place physically where I no longer feel so fatigued. I think I just need to push through it right now...and I'm not one to shy away from a challenge.

So this is a goal I've set for myself. I am going to go TreeTop Trekking this summer. I'm looking forward to this adventure, and for some reason, it's more motivating than thinking about the numbers on the scale!



So what have you been missing out on because of your weight?